I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
