Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
