How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
