I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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