do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
