Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
