I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
