You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize