Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
