Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
