if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
