I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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