Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
