Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
