Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
