just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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