she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
