Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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