its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
