Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize