I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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