You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
