obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
