She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
