Don't make out with my wife yet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
