The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
