dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
