don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
