dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Four minutes until I can fart!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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