Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
