Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
