I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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