Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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