I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
