I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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