ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was confusing and full of hummus
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
