Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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