On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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