I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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