she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
