All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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