Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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