New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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