Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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