I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The uberlube is also flammable
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
