The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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