can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
