i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
