She is in my trunk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
