So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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