i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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