True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
