so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
