i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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