Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
