I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
