We named our party play list daddy issues
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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