Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
