Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
