his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
