I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
