Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
