The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
