i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
