She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
