How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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