My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
