and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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