you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
