mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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