Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
third nipple confirmed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
