so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
