I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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