Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
