Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
