could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
