Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
