Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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