A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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