im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
